alice-in-metamorpov/adventures-in-wonderland/the-queens-croquet-ground.typ

== The Queen’s Croquet-Ground
A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses
growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily
painting them red. Pov/S thought this a very curious thing, and pov/s
went nearer to watch them, and just as pov/s came up to them pov/s heard
one of them say, “Look out now, Five! Don't go splashing paint over me
like that!”

“I couldn't help it,” said Five, in a sulky tone; “Seven jogged my
elbow.”

On which Seven looked up and said, “That's right, Five! Always lay the
blame on others!”

“#emph[You'd] better not talk!” said Five. “I heard the Queen say only
yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!”

“What for?” said the one who had spoken first.

“That's none of #emph[your] business, Two!” said Seven.

“Yes, it #emph[is] his business!” said Five, “and I'll tell him---it was
for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.”

Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun “Well, of all the unjust
things---” when his eye chanced to fall upon pov/O, as pov/s stood
watching them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round
also, and all of them bowed low.

“Would you tell me,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said
pov/S/, a little timidly, “why you are painting those roses?”

Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low
voice, “Why the fact is, you see, Prn/h, this here ought to have been a
#emph[red] rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the
Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you
know. So you see, Prn/h, we're doing our best, afore she comes, to---”
At this moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden,
called out “The Queen! The Queen!” and the three gardeners instantly
threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many
footsteps, and pov/S looked round, eager to see the Queen.

First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like the
three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the
corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with
diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came
the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came
jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented
with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among
them pov/S recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried
nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without
noticing pov/o. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's
crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand
procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.

Pov/S was rather doubtful whether pov/s ought not to lie down on pov/p
face like the three gardeners, but pov/s could not remember ever having
heard of such a rule at processions; “and besides, what would be the use
of a procession,” alt/first and second or third/pov/s thought/thought
pov/s/, “if people had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they
couldn't see it?” So pov/s stood still where pov/s vrb/be/, and waited.

When the procession came opposite to pov/O, they all stopped and looked
at pov/o, and the Queen said severely “Who is this?” She said it to the
Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.

“Idiot!” said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to
pov/S, she went on, “What's your name, child?”

“My name is Y/n, so please your Majesty,” alt/first and second or
third/pov/S said/said pov/S/ very politely; but she added, to herself,
“Why, they're only a pack of cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of
them!”

“And who are #emph[these?];” said the Queen, pointing to the three
gardeners who were lying round the rose-tree; for, you see, as they were
lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the
rest of the pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or
soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own children.

“How should #emph[I] know?” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
said/said pov/S/, surprised at pov/o own courage. “It's no business of
#emph[mine];.”

The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at pov/o for a
moment like a wild beast, screamed “Off with prn/p head! Off---”

“Nonsense!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/, very
loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent.

The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said “Consider, my
dear: prn/s vrn/present/be/ only a child!”

The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave “Turn them
over!”

The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.

“Get up!” said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three
gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen,
the royal children, and everybody else.

“Leave off that!” screamed the Queen. “You make me giddy.” And then,
turning to the rose-tree, she went on, “What #emph[have] you been doing
here?”

“May it please your Majesty,” said Two, in a very humble tone, going
down on one knee as he spoke, “we were trying---”

“#emph[I] see!” said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the
roses. “Off with their heads!” and the procession moved on, three of the
soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran
to pov/S for protection.

“You shan't be beheaded!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said
pov/S/, and pov/s put them into a large flower-pot that stood near. The
three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two, looking for them, and
then quietly marched off after the others.

“Are their heads off?” shouted the Queen.

“Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!” the soldiers shouted
in reply.

“That's right!” shouted the Queen. “Can you play croquet?”

The soldiers were silent, and looked at pov/O, as the question was
evidently meant for pov/o.

“Yes!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S shouted/shouted pov/S/.

“Come on, then!” alt/first and second or third/the Queen roared/roared
the Queen/, and pov/S joined the procession, wondering very much what
would happen next.

“It's---it's a very fine day!” said a timid voice at pov/o side. Pov/s
was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into pov/p
face.

“Very,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/:
“---where's the Duchess?”

“Hush! Hush!” said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked
anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon
tiptoe, put his mouth close to pov/p ear, and whispered “She's under
sentence of execution.”

“What for?” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/.

“Did you say ‘What a pity!'?” the Rabbit asked.

“No, I didn't,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/: “I
don't think it's at all a pity. I said ‘What for?'”

“She boxed the Queen's ears---” the Rabbit began. Pov/S gave a little
scream of laughter. “Oh, hush!” the Rabbit whispered in a frightened
tone. “The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the
Queen said---”

“Get to your places!” shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and
people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each
other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game
began. Pov/S thought pov/s had never seen such a curious croquet-ground
in her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live
hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double
themselves up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.

The chief difficulty pov/S found at first was in managing pov/p
flamingo: pov/s succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably
enough, under pov/p arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just
as pov/s had got its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give
the hedgehog a blow with its head, it #emph[would] twist itself round
and look up in pov/p face, with such a puzzled expression that pov/s
could not help bursting out laughing: and when pov/s had got its head
down, and was going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that
the hedgehog had unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away:
besides all this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way
wherever pov/s wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up
soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the
ground, pov/S soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult
game indeed.

The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling
all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short time
the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and
shouting “Off with his head!” or “Off with her head!” about once in a
minute.

Pov/S began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, pov/s had not as yet had
any dispute with the Queen, but pov/s knew that it might happen any
minute, “and then,” alt/first and second or third/pov/s thought/thought
pov/s/, “what would become of me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading
people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one left alive!”

Pov/s was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether
pov/s could get away without being seen, when pov/s noticed a curious
appearance in the air: it puzzled pov/o very much at first, but, after
watching it a minute or two, pov/s made it out to be a grin, and pov/s
said to herself “It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to
talk to.”

“How are you getting on?” said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth
enough for it to speak with.

Pov/S waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. “It's no use
speaking to it,” pov/s thought, “till its ears have come, or at least
one of them.” In another minute the whole head appeared, and then pov/S
put down pov/p flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very
glad pov/s had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that
there was enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.

“I don't think they play at all fairly,” pov/S began, in rather a
complaining tone, “and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear
oneself speak---and they don't seem to have any rules in particular; at
least, if there are, nobody attends to them---and you've no idea how
confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the
arch I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the
ground---and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only
it ran away when it saw mine coming!”

“How do you like the Queen?” said the Cat in a low voice.

“Not at all,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/:
“she's so extremely---” Just then pov/s noticed that the Queen was close
behind pov/o, listening: so pov/s went on, “---likely to win, that it's
hardly worth while finishing the game.”

The Queen smiled and passed on.

“Who #emph[are] you talking to?” said the King, going up to pov/O, and
looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity.

“It's a friend of mine---a Cheshire Cat,” alt/first and second or
third/pov/S said/said pov/S/: “allow me to introduce it.”

“I don't like the look of it at all,” said the King: “however, it may
kiss my hand if it likes.”

“I'd rather not,” the Cat remarked.

“Don't be impertinent,” said the King, “and don't look at me like that!”
He got behind pov/O as he spoke.

“A cat may look at a king,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
said/said pov/S/. “I've read that in some book, but I don't remember
where.”

“Well, it must be removed,” said the King very decidedly, and he called
the Queen, who was passing at the moment, “My dear! I wish you would
have this cat removed!”

The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small.
“Off with his head!” she said, without even looking round.

“I'll fetch the executioner myself,” said the King eagerly, and he
hurried off.

Pov/S thought pov/s might as well go back, and see how the game was
going on, as pov/s heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming
with passion. Pov/s had already heard pov/p sentence three of the
players to be executed for having missed their turns, and pov/s did not
like the look of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that
pov/s never knew whether it was her turn or not. So pov/s went in search
of pov/p hedgehog.

The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed
to pov/O an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the
other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to the
other side of the garden, where pov/S could see it trying in a helpless
sort of way to fly up into a tree.

By the time pov/s had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight
was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: “but it doesn't
matter much,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S thought/thought
pov/S/, “as all the arches are gone from this side of the ground.” So
pov/s tucked it away under pov/p arm, that it might not escape again,
and went back for a little more conversation with pov/p friend.

When pov/s got back to the Cheshire Cat, pov/s vrb/be/ surprised to find
quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on
between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking
at once, while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very
uncomfortable.

The moment pov/S appeared, pov/s vrb/be/ appealed to by all three to
settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to pov/o, though,
as they all spoke at once, pov/s found it very hard indeed to make out
exactly what they said.

The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless
there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a
thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at #emph[his] time of life.

The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be
beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.

The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less
than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last
remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)

Pov/S could think of nothing else to say but “It belongs to the Duchess:
you'd better ask #emph[her] about it.”

“She's in prison,” the Queen said to the executioner: “fetch her here.”
And the executioner went off like an arrow.

The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, by the
time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely disappeared; so
the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it,
while the rest of the party went back to the game.