alice-in-metamorpov/adventures-in-wonderland/AliceAiWiMPOV.typ

== Who Stole the Tarts?
The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they
arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them---all sorts of little
birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was
standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard
him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand,
and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court
was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good,
that it made pov/O quite hungry to look at them---“I wish they'd get the
trial done,” pov/s thought, “and hand round the refreshments!” But there
seemed to be no chance of this, so pov/s began looking at everything
about pov/o, to pass away the time.

Pov/S had never been in a court of justice before, but pov/s had read
about them in books, and pov/s vrb/be/ quite pleased to find that pov/s
knew the name of nearly everything there. “That's the judge,” pov/s said
to pov/r, “because of his great wig.”

The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the
wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did
not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.

“And that's the jury-box,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
thought/thought pov/S/, “and those twelve creatures,” (pov/s was obliged
to say “creatures,” you see, because some of them were animals, and some
were birds,) “I suppose they are the jurors.” Pov/s said this last word
two or three times over to pov/r, being rather proud of it: for pov/s
thought, and rightly too, that very few little prn/ns of pov/p age knew
the meaning of it at all. However, “jury-men” would have done just as
well.

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. “What are they
doing?” pov/S whispered to the Gryphon. “They can't have anything to put
down yet, before the trial's begun.”

“They're putting down their names,” the Gryphon whispered in reply, “for
fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.”

“Stupid things!” pov/S began in a loud, indignant voice, but pov/s
stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, “Silence in the court!”
and the King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make
out who was talking.

Pov/S could see, as well as if pov/s were looking over their shoulders,
that all the jurors were writing down “stupid things!” on their slates,
and pov/s could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell
“stupid,” and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. “A nice
muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!” alt/first and
second or third/pov/S thought/thought pov/S/.

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, pov/S
could #emph[not] stand, and pov/s went round the court and got behind
him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. Pov/s did it
so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could
not make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about
for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day;
and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.

“Herald, read the accusation!” said the King.

On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then
unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:---

#quote(block: true)[
“The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, \
 All on a summer day: \
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, \
 And took them quite away!”
]

“Consider your verdict,” the King said to the jury.

“Not yet, not yet!” the Rabbit hastily interrupted. “There's a great
deal to come before that!”

“Call the first witness,” said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three
blasts on the trumpet, and called out, “First witness!”

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand
and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. “I beg pardon, your
Majesty,” he began, “for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished
my tea when I was sent for.”

“You ought to have finished,” said the King. “When did you begin?”

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the
court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. “Fourteenth of March, I
#emph[think] it was,” he said.

“Fifteenth,” said the March Hare.

“Sixteenth,” added the Dormouse.

“Write that down,” the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote
down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and
reduced the answer to shillings and pence.

“Take off your hat,” the King said to the Hatter.

“It isn't mine,” said the Hatter.

“#emph[Stolen!];” the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly
made a memorandum of the fact.

“I keep them to sell,” the Hatter added as an explanation; “I've none of
my own. I'm a hatter.”

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter,
who turned pale and fidgeted.

“Give your evidence,” said the King; “and don't be nervous, or I'll have
you executed on the spot.”

This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting from
one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his
confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the
bread-and-butter.

Just at this moment pov/S felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled
pov/o a good deal until pov/s made out what it was: pov/s vrb/be/
beginning to grow larger again, and pov/s thought at first pov/s would
get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts pov/s decided to
remain where pov/s was as long as there was room for pov/o.

“I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.” said the Dormouse, who was sitting
next to pov/o. “I can hardly breathe.”

“I can't help it,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/
very meekly: “I'm growing.”

“You've no right to grow #emph[here];,” said the Dormouse.

“Don't talk nonsense,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said
pov/S/ more boldly: “you know you're growing too.”

“Yes, but #emph[I] grow at a reasonable pace,” said the Dormouse: “not
in that ridiculous fashion.” And he got up very sulkily and crossed over
to the other side of the court.

All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and,
just as the Dormouse crossed the court, pov/s said to one of the
officers of the court, “Bring me the list of the singers in the last
concert!” on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both
his shoes off.

“Give your evidence,” the King repeated angrily, “or I'll have you
executed, whether you're nervous or not.”

“I'm a poor man, your Majesty,” the Hatter began, in a trembling voice,
“---and I hadn't begun my tea---not above a week or so---and what with
the bread-and-butter getting so thin---and the twinkling of the tea---”

“The twinkling of the #emph[what?];” said the King.

“It #emph[began] with the tea,” the Hatter replied.

“Of course twinkling begins with a T!” said the King sharply. “Do you
take me for a dunce? Go on!”

“I'm a poor man,” the Hatter went on, “and most things twinkled after
that---only the March Hare said---”

“I didn't!” the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.

“You did!” said the Hatter.

“I deny it!” said the March Hare.

“He denies it,” said the King: “leave out that part.”

“Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said---” the Hatter went on, looking
anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
nothing, being fast asleep.

“After that,” continued the Hatter, “I cut some more
bread-and-butter---”

“But what did the Dormouse say?” one of the jury asked.

“That I can't remember,” said the Hatter.

“You #emph[must] remember,” remarked the King, “or I'll have you
executed.”

The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went
down on one knee. “I'm a poor man, your Majesty,” he began.

“You're a #emph[very] poor #emph[speaker];,” said the King.

Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by
the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just
explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied
up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig,
head first, and then sat upon it.)

“I'm glad I've seen that done,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
thought/thought pov/S/. “I've so often read in the newspapers, at the
end of trials, “There was some attempts at applause, which was
immediately suppressed by the officers of the court,” and I never
understood what it meant till now.”

“If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,” continued the
King.

“I can't go no lower,” said the Hatter: “I'm on the floor, as it is.”

“Then you may #emph[sit] down,” the King replied.

Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.

“Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!” alt/first and second or
third/pov/S thought/thought pov/S/. “Now we shall get on better.”

“I'd rather finish my tea,” said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the
Queen, who was reading the list of singers.

“You may go,” said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court,
without even waiting to put his shoes on.

“---and just take his head off outside,” the Queen added to one of the
officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get
to the door.

“Call the next witness!” said the King.

The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in
her hand, and pov/S guessed who it was, even before pov/s got into the
court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once.

“Give your evidence,” said the King.

“Shan't,” said the cook.

The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice,
“Your Majesty must cross-examine #emph[this] witness.”

“Well, if I must, I must,” the King said, with a melancholy air, and,
after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were
nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, “What are tarts made of?”

“Pepper, mostly,” said the cook.

“Treacle,” said a sleepy voice behind her.

“Collar that Dormouse,” the Queen shrieked out. “Behead that Dormouse!
Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his
whiskers!”

For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse
turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had
disappeared.

“Never mind!” said the King, with an air of great relief. “Call the next
witness.” And he added in an undertone to the Queen, “Really, my dear,
#emph[you] must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my
forehead ache!”

Pov/S watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very
curious to see what the next witness would be like, “---for they haven't
got much evidence #emph[yet];,” pov/s said to pov/r. Imagine pov/p
surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill
little voice, the name “Y/n!”

== Y/n's Evidence
“Here!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S cried/cried pov/S/, quite
forgetting in the flurry of the moment how large pov/s had grown in the
last few minutes, and pov/s jumped up in such a hurry that pov/s tipped
over the jury-box with the edge of pov/p skirt, upsetting all the
jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling
about, reminding pov/o very much of a globe of goldfish pov/s had
accidentally upset the week before.

“Oh, I #emph[beg] your pardon!” pov/s exclaimed in a tone of great
dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as pov/s could, for
the accident of the goldfish kept running in pov/p head, and pov/s had a
vague sort of idea that they must be collected at once and put back into
the jury-box, or they would die.

“The trial cannot proceed,” said the King in a very grave voice, “until
all the jurymen are back in their proper places---#emph[all];,” he
repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at pov/O as he said so.

Pov/S looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in pov/p haste, pov/s had
put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving
its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. Pov/s
soon got it out again, and put it right; “not that it signifies much,”
pov/s said to pov/r; “I should think it would be #emph[quite] as much
use in the trial one way up as the other.”

As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being
upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to
them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the
accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do
anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the
court.

“What do you know about this business?” the King said to pov/O.

“Nothing,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/.

“Nothing #emph[whatever?];” alt/first and second or third/the King
persisted/persisted the King/.

“Nothing whatever,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said
pov/S/.

“That's very important,” the King said, turning to the jury. They were
just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White Rabbit
interrupted: “#emph[Un];important, your Majesty means, of course,” he
said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as
he spoke.

“#emph[Un];important, of course, I meant,” the King hastily said, and
went on to himself in an undertone,

“important---unimportant---unimportant---important---” as if he were
trying which word sounded best.

Some of the jury wrote it down “important,” and some “unimportant.”
Pov/S could see this, as pov/s vrb/be/ near enough to look over their
slates; “but it doesn't matter a bit,” pov/s thought to pov/r.

At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in
his note-book, cackled out “Silence!” and read out from his book, “Rule
Forty-two. #emph[All persons more than a mile high to leave the court];.”

Everybody looked at pov/O.

“#emph[I'm] not a mile high,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
said/said pov/S/.

“You are,” said the King.

“Nearly two miles high,” added the Queen.

“Well, I shan't go, at any rate,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
said/said pov/S/: “besides, that's not a regular rule: you invented it
just now.”

“It's the oldest rule in the book,” alt/first and second or third/the
King said/said the King/.

“Then it ought to be Number One,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
said/said pov/S/.

The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. “Consider your
verdict,” he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice.

“There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,” said the White
Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; “this paper has just been picked
up.”

“What's in it?” said the Queen.

“I haven't opened it yet,” said the White Rabbit, “but it seems to be a
letter, written by the prisoner to---to somebody.”

“It must have been that,” said the King, “unless it was written to
nobody, which isn't usual, you know.”

“Who is it directed to?” said one of the jurymen.

“It isn't directed at all,” said the White Rabbit; “in fact, there's
nothing written on the #emph[outside];.” He unfolded the paper as he
spoke, and added “It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set of verses.”

“Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?” asked another of the jurymen.

“No, they're not,” said the White Rabbit, “and that's the queerest thing
about it.” (The jury all looked puzzled.)

“He must have imitated somebody else's hand,” said the King. (The jury
all brightened up again.)

“Please your Majesty,” said the Knave, “I didn't write it, and they
can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.”

“If you didn't sign it,” said the King, “that only makes the matter
worse. You #emph[must] have meant some mischief, or else you'd have
signed your name like an honest man.”

There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first really
clever thing the King had said that day.

“That #emph[proves] his guilt,” said the Queen.

“It proves nothing of the sort!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
said/said pov/S/. “Why, you don't even know what they're about!”

“Read them,” said the King.

The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. “Where shall I begin, please
your Majesty?” he asked.

“Begin at the beginning,” the King said gravely, “and go on till you
come to the end: then stop.”

These were the verses the White Rabbit read:---

#quote(block: true)[
“They told me you had been to her, \
 And mentioned me to him: \
She gave me a good character, \
 But said I could not swim. \
\
He sent them word I had not gone \
 (We know it to be true): \
If she should push the matter on, \
 What would become of you? \
\
I gave her one, they gave him two, \
 You gave us three or more; \
They all returned from him to you, \
 Though they were mine before. \
\
If I or she should chance to be \
 Involved in this affair, \
He trusts to you to set them free, \
 Exactly as we were. \
\
My notion was that you had been \
 (Before she had this fit) \
An obstacle that came between \
 Him, and ourselves, and it. \
\
Don't let him know she liked them best, \
 For this must ever be \
A secret, kept from all the rest, \
 Between yourself and me.”
]

“That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,” said the
King, rubbing his hands; “so now let the jury---”

“If any one of them can explain it,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
said/said pov/S/, (pov/s had grown so large in the last few minutes that
pov/s wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting him,) “I'll give him sixpence.
#emph[I] don't believe there's an atom of meaning in it.”

The jury all wrote down on their slates, “#emph[Prn/s] doesn't believe
there's an atom of meaning in it,” but none of them attempted to explain
the paper.

“If there's no meaning in it,” said the King, “that saves a world of
trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know,”
he went on, spreading out the verses on his knee, and looking at them
with one eye; “I seem to see some meaning in them, after all.
“---#emph[said I could not swim];---” you can't swim, can you?” he
added, turning to the Knave.

The Knave shook his head sadly. “Do I look like it?” he said. (Which he
certainly did #emph[not];, being made entirely of cardboard.)

“All right, so far,” said the King, and he went on muttering over the
verses to himself: “‘#emph[We know it to be true];---' that's the jury,
of course---‘#emph[I gave her one, they gave him two];---' why, that
must be what he did with the tarts, you know---”

“But, it goes on ‘#emph[they all returned from him to you];,'” alt/first
and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/.

“Why, there they are!” said the King triumphantly, pointing to the tarts
on the table. “Nothing can be clearer than #emph[that];. Then
again---‘#emph[before she had this fit];---' you never had fits, my
dear, I think?” he said to the Queen.

“Never!” said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the Lizard as
she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his
slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark; but he now hastily
began again, using the ink, that was trickling down his face, as long as
it lasted.)

“Then the words don't #emph[fit] you,” said the King, looking round the
court with a smile. There was a dead silence.

“It's a pun!” the King added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed,
“Let the jury consider their verdict,” the King said, for about the
twentieth time that day.

“No, no!” said the Queen. “Sentence first---verdict afterwards.”

“Stuff and nonsense!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said
pov/S/ loudly. “The idea of having the sentence first!”

“Hold your tongue!” alt/first and second or third/the Queen said/said
the Queen/, turning purple.

“I won't!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/.

“Off with her head!” the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody
moved.

“Who cares for you?” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said
pov/S/, (pov/s had grown to pov/p full size by this time.) “You're
nothing but a pack of cards!”

At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon
her: pov/s gave a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and
tried to beat them off, and found pov/r lying on the bank, with pov/p
head in the lap of pov/p sister, who was gently brushing away some dead
leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon pov/p face.

“Wake up, Y/n dear!” said her sister; “Why, what a long sleep you've
had!”

“Oh, I've had such a curious dream!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
said/said pov/S/, and pov/s told pov/p sister, as well as pov/s could
remember them, all these strange Adventures of pov/a that you have just
been reading about; and when pov/s had finished, pov/p sister kissed
pov/o, and said, “It #emph[was] a curious dream, dear, certainly: but
now run in to your tea; it's getting late.” So pov/S got up and ran off,
thinking while pov/s ran, as well pov/s might, what a wonderful dream it
had been.

#line(length: 100%)

But pov/p sister sat still just as pov/s left her, leaning her head on
her hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of little Y/n and all
prn/p wonderful Adventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion,
and this was her dream:---

First, she dreamed of little Y/n prn/r, and once again the tiny hands
were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes were looking up
into hers---she could hear the very tones of prn/p voice, and see that
queer little toss of prn/p head to keep back the wandering hair that
#emph[would] always get into prn/p eyes---and still as she listened, or
seemed to listen, the whole place around her became alive with the
strange creatures of her little prn/k's dream.

The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried by---the
frightened Mouse splashed his way through the neighbouring pool---she
could hear the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends
shared their never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen
ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution---once more the
pig-baby was sneezing on the Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes
crashed around it---once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking
of the Lizard's slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed
guinea-pigs, filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the
miserable Mock Turtle.

So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in
Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all
would change to dull reality---the grass would be only rustling in the
wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds---the rattling
teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, and the Queen's shrill
cries to the voice of the shepherd boy---and the sneeze of the baby, the
shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would change (she
knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard---while the lowing
of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's
heavy sobs.

Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little prn/k of hers
would, in the after-time, be prn/r a grown prn/N; and how prn/s would
keep, through all prn/p riper years, the simple and loving heart of
prn/p childhood: and how prn/s would gather about prn/p other little
children, and make #emph[their] eyes bright and eager with many a
strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and
how prn/s would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure
in all their simple joys, remembering prn/p own child-life, and the
happy summer days.

=== THE END
<the-end>