== The Mock Turtle's Story
“You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!”
said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into pov/P, and
plv/s walked off together.

Pov/S vrB/be/ very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and
thought to pov/r that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her
so savage when plv/s met in the kitchen.

“When #emph[I'm] a Duchess,” pov/s said to pov/r, (not in a very hopeful
tone though), “I won't have any pepper in my kitchen #emph[at all];.
Soup does very well without---Maybe it's always pepper that makes people
hot-tempered,” pov/s went on, very much pleased at having found out a
new kind of rule, “and vinegar that makes them sour---and camomile that
makes them bitter---and---and barley-sugar and such things that make
children sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew #emph[that];: then they
wouldn't be so stingy about it, you know---”

Pov/s had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and vrb/be/ a little
startled when pov/s heard her voice close to pov/p ear. “You're thinking
about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't
tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in
a bit.”

“Perhaps it hasn't one,” pov/S ventured to remark.

“Tut, tut, child!” said the Duchess. “Everything's got a moral, if only
you can find it.” And she squeezed herself up closer to pov/P side as
she spoke.

Pov/S did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the
Duchess was #emph[very] ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the
right height to rest her chin upon pov/P shoulder, and it was an
uncomfortably sharp chin. However, pov/s did not like to be rude, so
pov/s bore it as well as pov/s could.

“The game's going on rather better now,” pov/s said, by way of keeping
up the conversation a little.

“'Tis so,” said the Duchess: “and the moral of that is---‘Oh, 'tis love,
'tis love, that makes the world go round!'”

“Somebody said,” pov/S whispered, “that it's done by everybody minding
their own business!”

“Ah, well! It means much the same thing,” said the Duchess, digging her
sharp little chin into pov/P shoulder as she added, “and the moral of
#emph[that] is---‘Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care
of themselves.'”

“How fond she is of finding morals in things!” pov/S thought to pov/r.

“I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist,”
the Duchess said after a pause: “the reason is, that I'm doubtful about
the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?”

“He might bite,” pov/S cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to
have the experiment tried.

“Very true,” said the Duchess: “flamingoes and mustard both bite. And
the moral of that is---‘Birds of a feather flock together.'”

“Only mustard isn't a bird,” pov/S remarked.

“Right, as usual,” said the Duchess: “what a clear way you have of
putting things!”

“It's a mineral, I #emph[think];,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
said/said pov/S/.

“Of course it is,” said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
everything that pov/S said; “there's a large mustard-mine near here. And
the moral of that is---‘The more there is of mine, the less there is of
yours.'”

“Oh, I know!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S exclaimed/exclaimed
pov/S/, who had not attended to this last remark, “it's a vegetable. It
doesn't look like one, but it is.”

“I quite agree with you,” said the Duchess; “and the moral of that
is---‘Be what you would seem to be'---or if you'd like it put more
simply---‘Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might
appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise
than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.'”

“I think I should understand that better,” pov/S said very politely, “if
I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.”

“That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,” the Duchess replied, in
a pleased tone.

“Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,” alt/first
and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/.

“Oh, don't talk about trouble!” said the Duchess. “I make you a present
of everything I've said as yet.”

“A cheap sort of present!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
thought/thought pov/S/. “I'm glad they don't give birthday presents like
that!” But she did not venture to say it out loud.

“Thinking again?” the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp
little chin.

“I've a right to think,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said
pov/S/ sharply, for pov/s vrb/be/ beginning to feel a little worried.

“Just about as much right,” said the Duchess, “as pigs have to fly; and
the m---”

But here, to pov/P great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even
in the middle of her favourite word ‘moral,' and the arm that was linked
into hers began to tremble. Pov/S looked up, and there stood the Queen
in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.

“A fine day, your Majesty!” the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.

“Now, I give you fair warning,” shouted the Queen, stamping on the
ground as she spoke; “either you or your head must be off, and that in
about half no time! Take your choice!”

The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.

“Let's go on with the game,” the Queen said to pov/O; and pov/S vrB/be/
too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the
croquet-ground.

The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were
resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried
back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would
cost them their lives.

All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with
the other players, and shouting “Off with his head!” or “Off with her
head!” Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers,
who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by the
end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the
players, except the King, the Queen, and pov/S, were in custody and
under sentence of execution.

Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to pov/O, “Have
you seen the Mock Turtle yet?”

“No,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/. “I don't
even know what a Mock Turtle is.”

“It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,” alt/first and second or
third/the Queen said/said the Queen/.

“I never saw one, or heard of one,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
said/said pov/S/.

“Come on, then,” alt/first and second or third/the Queen said/said the
Queen/, “and he shall tell you his history.”

As they walked off together, pov/S heard the King say in a low voice, to
the company generally, “You are all pardoned.” “Come, #emph[that's] a
good thing!” pov/s said to pov/r, for pov/s had felt quite unhappy at
the number of executions the Queen had ordered.

They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun. (If
you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) “Up, lazy
thing!” said the Queen, “and take this young also/lady to see the Mock
Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see after some
executions I have ordered;” and she walked off, leaving pov/O alone with
the Gryphon. Pov/S did not quite like the look of the creature, but on
the whole pov/s thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to
go after that savage Queen: so pov/s waited.

The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till
she was out of sight: then it chuckled. “What fun!” said the Gryphon,
half to itself, half to pov/O.

“What #emph[is] the fun?” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said
pov/S/.

“Why, #emph[she];,” said the Gryphon. “It's all her fancy, that: they
never executes nobody, you know. Come on!”

“Everybody says ‘come on!' here,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
thought/thought pov/S/, as pov/s went slowly after it: “I never was so
ordered about in all my life, never!”

They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance,
sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came
nearer, pov/S could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. Pov/s
pitied him deeply. “What is his sorrow?” pov/s asked the Gryphon, and
the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, “It's all
his fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!”

So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes
full of tears, but said nothing.

“This here young also/lady,” said the Gryphon, “prn/s wants for to know
your history, prn/s do.”

“I'll tell it prn/o,” said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: “sit
down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.”

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Pov/S thought to
pov/r, “I don't see how he can #emph[ever] finish, if he doesn't begin.”
But pov/s waited patiently.

“Once,” said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, “I was a real
Turtle.”

These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an
occasional exclamation of “Hjckrrh!” from the Gryphon, and the constant
heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Pov/S vrB/be/ very nearly getting up
and saying, “Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,” but pov/s
could not help thinking there #emph[must] be more to come, so pov/s sat
still and said nothing.

“When we were little,” the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly,
though still sobbing a little now and then, “we went to school in the
sea. The master was an old Turtle---we used to call him Tortoise---”

“Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?” pov/S asked.

“We called him Tortoise because he taught us,” said the Mock Turtle
angrily: “really you are very dull!”

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,”
added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor
pov/O, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said
to the Mock Turtle, “Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!”
and he went on in these words:

“Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it---”

“I never said I didn't!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
interrupted/interrupted pov/S/.

“You did,” said the Mock Turtle.

“Hold your tongue!” added the Gryphon, before pov/S could speak again.
The Mock Turtle went on.

“We had the best of educations---in fact, we went to school every
day---”

“#emph[I've] been to a day-school, too,” alt/first and second or
third/pov/S said/said pov/S/; “you needn't be so proud as all that.”

“With extras?” asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.

“Yes,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/, “we learned
French and music.”

“And washing?” said the Mock Turtle.

“Certainly not!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/
indignantly.

“Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,” said the Mock Turtle in a
tone of great relief. “Now at #emph[ours] they had at the end of the
bill, ‘French, music, #emph[and washing];---extra.'”

“You couldn't have wanted it much,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
said/said pov/S/; “living at the bottom of the sea.”

“I couldn't afford to learn it.” said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. “I
only took the regular course.”

“What was that?” alt/first and second or third/pov/S inquired/inquired
pov/S/.

“Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,” the Mock Turtle
replied; “and then the different branches of Arithmetic---Ambition,
Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.”

“I never heard of ‘Uglification,'” pov/S ventured to say. “What is it?”

The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. “What! Never heard of
uglifying!” it exclaimed. “You know what to beautify is, I suppose?”

“Yes,” alt/first and second or third/pov/S said/said pov/S/ doubtfully:
“it means---to---make---anything---prettier.”

“Well, then,” the Gryphon went on, “if you don't know what to uglify is,
you #emph[are] a simpleton.”

Pov/S did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so
pov/s turned to the Mock Turtle, and said “What else had you to learn?”

“Well, there was Mystery,” the Mock Turtle replied, counting off the
subjects on his flappers, “---Mystery, ancient and modern, with
Seaography: then Drawling---the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel,
that used to come once a week: #emph[he] taught us Drawling, Stretching,
and Fainting in Coils.”

“What was #emph[that] like?” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
said/said pov/S/.

“Well, I can't show it you myself,” the Mock Turtle said: “I'm too
stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.”

“Hadn't time,” said the Gryphon: “I went to the Classics master, though.
He was an old crab, #emph[he] was.”

“I never went to him,” the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: “he taught
Laughing and Grief, they used to say.”

“So he did, so he did,” said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both
creatures hid their faces in their paws.

“And how many hours a day did you do lessons?” alt/first and second or
third/pov/S said/said pov/S/, in a hurry to change the subject.

“Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock Turtle: “nine the next, and so
on.”

“What a curious plan!” alt/first and second or third/pov/S
exclaimed/exclaimed pov/S/.

“That's the reason they're called lessons,” the Gryphon remarked:
“because they lessen from day to day.”

This was quite a new idea to pov/O, and pov/s thought it over a little
before pov/s made pov/p next remark. “Then the eleventh day must have
been a holiday?”

“Of course it was,” said the Mock Turtle.

“And how did you manage on the twelfth?” pov/S went on eagerly.

“That's enough about lessons,” the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided
tone: “tell prn/o something about the games now.”
